5. 2: Sure, just be very clear, he's a bit hard of hearing. It smells really bad. I was hoping you would be able to tell me that. 3. Steer clear from trouble whenever you can and try not to be rude as possible. THAT'S SO COOL! Just like everyone I do have many friends who smoke well and very well. I didn't even do anything! By clicking Accept All, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. If you are driving down the road and pass a field with hay bales laying in it, point at the field and yell Hey. Amazing what showering can do for you. Is Hong Kong related to King Kong or Donkey Kong? Two Firefighters are butt fucking in a smoke-filled room.. That's not true at all! "* Obama Yea I Smoke Blunts Funny Image. Smoke Signals movie clips: http://j.mp/1Jd64e9BUY THE MOVIE: http://amzn.to/sa6HXqDon't miss the HOTTEST NEW TRAILERS: http://bit.ly/1u2y6prCLIP DESCRIPTION:. No. Are you supposed to serve coffee on a coffee table? It seems like it's confirming their idea that my job is awful. ", "You said you were a major pot head. As a gay man, me and my boyfriend smoke weed after sex. When my dad saw us, he ran into the cloud of smoke, grabbed me by the arm and shoved me into the car! She asked me why am I typing so slow. I totally understand now why you feel that way. Example 2: Answer for someone who used to smoke and no longer does Here's an example of how to answer if you no longer smoke/drink: "I used to be a heavy smoker, but I quit three years ago when I was pregnant with my son. Do you hear that? "Clothes, but no cigar.". If you want to smoke weed every day, just do it! Please enter your username or email address to reset your password. Bark like a dog. Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. I said no, I can't deal with high maintenance women. Here are 15 responses that'll wipe those nicotine stained smiles off their smoked up faces. Give the stock response of "Fine, thank you, and you?" and move on. ", "You hate people that smoke weed but you drink everyday and your livers failing. Alternatively, I don't want to simply say "no." That's not true either and feels like badmouthing my job. Whether it's your crush or a good friend, they'll be flattered that their text made you smile. They immediately ran off. Thats because fire is something that happens or is an outcome of wood, paper, or other resources (the thing) becoming hot and releasing vapors. If you are in jail can you ever collect a get out of jail card for free? 3. 8. Later on the older lady that owned the house comes out and tells the boss, "you should pay your guys more!" 2. Wow! he shouts. "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." Dean Martin 28 / 32 Getty Images, rd.com Louis Pasteur "A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly. They said NO" All rights reserved. Ooooh. A man walks into a bar, orders a drink, and yells "When I drink, everybody drinks!". I usually smoke Marlboro but who could resist an offer like that? What would you tell people that just started to smoke? When confession of love makes you rethink your life choices. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. Everybody rushes to the counter and orders a drink. Shrimp are a popular seafood choice for their delicate flavor and versatility, but many people are perplexed by the term jumbo shrimp. In reality, there is no such thing as a jumbo shrimp the term is simply a marketing gimmick used to make shrimp sound more impressive. Everyone loves to hear that they're funny. Below is Bergerons growing list of funny and random things to say to just about anyone anywhere in the entire universe. I just have silicon. Or perhaps you want to break the ice with an online dating match. Of course, you can respond with just 'thank you' for this comment. Pray to God nobody asked me any questions. This response is also great role modeling for others and furthers the important message to sober behind the wheel. Reply. Were you born on the highway? 20. Im grabbing a bite to eat. Your misguided opinion is false but cute. I replied, which is true. Do your parents realize that they're living proof that two wrongs don't make a right? Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!, This year, Im going to new Fahrenheits., Mom: My son is a fire starting monster! Dad: Honey, its OK. Hes arson., This article was originally published on March 25, 2021, A Dad Has Found The Perfect Hack For Watching Sports Without Waking The Baby, A Mom Tracked Down Her Daughter On Roblox & Asked Her To Defrost The Lasagna, By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. I've got something I need to say. But no one respects a quitter. David Emis the Founder and Lead Punster of Box of Puns, which he created to add more laughter and humor to life. 17. So there's this Spanish magician right and he says "I'll make myself disappear on the count of three". 14. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. I love you a latte. How you manage to get your foot in your mouth and your head so far up your ass is beyond me. My supervisors are happy with me. Better than some, and not as good as most. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. I don't remember asking for your opinion. I have had the same pack of cigarettes since 2007, im starting to get worried about my wife though shes been going through 3 packs a day! Will the next virus be Covid 20? Seriously, you don't need that negativity in your life. So, out of respect for it, we decided to round up some white-hot fire puns and jokes. The man gets up and walks up to sit next to the genie and says, I hear youre granting wishes. Hopefully not as good as Ill ever be. Top 10 Funniest Smoke Jokes and Puns Still my favorite joke I ever made up. Chocolate milk comes from brown cows you know. 8. This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. Siri: Humans have religion. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. the bartender asks. Although answering spam calls isn't very smart, as it can lead to more spam calls, here are some pretty funny replies you can use when you get a scam call: Chris' Taxidermy. Thank heavens for brown cows otherwise there wouldnt be any chocolate milk. do they get high, or do they just get medium? Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Remember that a bad review only reflects a single experience in which expectations weren't met. If you relieve yourself in the bathroom can you also relieve yourself by eating? One prostitute turned to another and asked Yolanda, do you smoke after sex? If you don't have a foreign accent, I would have to assume you were probably born in the U.S. or have been here a long time. He walked around and was surprised with many monks praying and smoking at the same time. Later, when he sees an older priest puffing on a cigarette while praying, the younger priest scolded him, You shouldn't be smoking while praying! I lost about 25 pounds. Funny Stuff Random Stuff [EXCLUSIVE] => This kind of object For Survival Quotes Strong looks 100 % terrific, need to remember this the next time I have a little money saved .BTW talking about money. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. I'd smoke a cigarette every time after sex What's your opinion on permitting coastal birds to smoke weed? ", "I don't have time to hate people who hate weed, cause I'm too busy smoking with people who love weed. Why is chocolate ice cream called chocolate when vanilla ice cream is not called yellow? But I do like digesting information. ANSWER: I have to say that my favorite pony is Twilight Sparkle. Youll find clever, sarcastic, witty, and funny responses to the question, How are you?. A man goes hunting and runs into a bear. 2: I have a personal genie. Sorry, I dont understand what youre saying. Do you go to bed late? Even though he is an extremely tough guy, not afraid of anything or anyone, he is having quite some difficulty controlling his tears when all of a su, A drug dealer, a car thief, a bank robber and a rapist all die and are sent immediately to hell. Smoking Baby Funny Gif. 9 yr. ago Exactly. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING ! "Oh, you don't smoke weed? 9. Who sent you to check how I am doing, Tell me. The janitor lady just asked me to smoke some weed with her. You noticed Im lost and you wanted to give me directions to the zoo? Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything. One liner tags: death, drug, food, health, sarcastic. 8. What's wrong with you? Lady: And how long have you been smoking? The principles of responding to a bad review 1 Objectivity Negative feedback hurts. So we took. - Do you have crazy nights out dancing while doing cocaine and coming back home to have unprotected sex with multiple partners? 12. She goes on to explain, "they have been busting their asses off. 10. "It's a condom," replies the grandson, sheepishly. As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!!! I understand what you're saying, but if I agreed with you, then we'd both be wrong. What do you call a family that smokes weed together? Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. 1: Woah, where'd you get that!? The penguin says, "No, that's just ice cream.". Send a text message to your phone number but increase the last digit by one (your text friend.). A sketchy looking guy rented six smoke machines from my shop, so I called the cops. Start a group text with random phone numbers and start talking about a serious problem you have. I told her No. 7. As he was walking through hell in despair, he met The Devil for the first time. It doesn't have any feet or legs. Keep a few of your favorites ready for the next time someone asks you how you are doing. Woah! The medicine man replies: "When your partner can take no more sex and is completely raddled, all she has to say is '1234', and it will then go down. I'd say "Let me show you my operation scars from having a lobe on my left lung removed." And lets not walk fast as I get out of breath really easy. Hold on a second. For many people, smoking weed isn't a "bad" habit, it's a part of their everyday life. I just happen to like cigarettes and alcohol. Wait for your turn. S. The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed. No. 28. That's their problem. Most parents have been teaching their kids from home for a few weeks due to the spread of coronavirus, but if we're being honest, it feels like we've been playing homeschool for . "Do you know that smoking shortens your life." Gertrude is confused and Beatrice explains that it keeps the cigarette from getting wet. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean smoke detectors dad jokes. 1. Funny Responses to "What Are You Doing?" What does it look like I'm doing? You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. 23 Continue this thread level 2 "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. What did the firefighter say when she saw the church razing down? They are funny, they are wittybut their underlying meaning depends on your prudence. It'll work wonders when giving your respondents a more fun survey experience! 11. When asked a question where you know the answer is yes, instead of saying yes, say Does the Pope wear a tall hat?. - Bill Clinton. 1. Never play golf with a doctor who wears green socks. The only thing that even came close to his love for tractors, was the love he felt for his wife. Old Women Smoking Funny Picture. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". ), 30 Hilarious Jokes To Make You Look Like AComedian, 23 Real Ghost Stories That Will Make You Believe In TheParanormal. You'll have to step outside to smoke." - Oh no, my body is a temple Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Earlier they had to share one cigarette between the four of them, that's ju, When the jar was opened, a genie came out and said to them, "You have freed me from my jar. 4 men were sitting in a boat about to smoke a cigarette, when they realized they didn't have a cigarette lighter. Spice things up with witty and funny responses. Im dancing along to the rhythm of life. After a while they saw him smoking one cigarette only and they asked him: so your brother is out of the jail? I wonder what happened to this poor Parrot?". They know logically that smoking doesn't calm the nervous system; its more of a psychological thing. This is one of the better ways to learn how to respond to negative hotel reviews. Please cancel my subscription to your issues. 16. It depends on what or who I compare myself to. Physically? You have your entire life to be a jerk. No. No Smoking Funny Sign Image. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. But my physics teacher says the higher you are, the larger your potential! Beatrice pulls a condom out of her pocketbook and puts it over then end of her cigarette. ", "There is nothing like smoking weed after a long day of smoking weed. If I were doing any better, it'd be illegal. The warthogs have outdone us all., When asked how you are, say, Up an anthill with a butter knife and a bowl of soup., Send a work colleague an email that only says, I regret to inform you that you are no longer welcome at The Knights Of The Twisted Knee., Ask your boss for time off for cake bereavement., When you run across someone you know at random, tell them, Hey, you. Does everyone who says the Pledge of Allegiance really make a pledge? Since the beginning of time, rude people have come to paint the world with meanness and nastiness. Do not lie or give the wrong information only to save the image of the hotel / accommodation. They try to get free but the more they struggle, the more tangled they become. 8. You set my heart on fire. 7. Why is a roller-coaster called such when it doesnt roll and it doesnt coast? Chris' Taxidermy. Lesson learnt His clothing? Each week, Billy sets fires around the neighborhood. After finishing the drink, the man orders a sandwich and yells "When I eat, everybody eats!". Please be specific with your questions and what you're trying to ask. "It's photoshop, FYI.". 6. 2. Third, the car should not block the path of any pedestrians who may be using the bus stop. 1: I wish for a million bucks! Well, then I think your stable is burning. But be warned: The pork swordsman will not rise again for another year." This allows water, air, and sunlight to reach the soil. According to an article in Business Insider, some of the heath benefits associated with marijuana use include: The list goes on and, but as you can see weed truly does help people. Do you believe in God? Things could be worse. I went outside to smoke a cigarette, and my ears started ringing, I once watched a couple of cows smoke weed and play poker, I was going to smoke a cigar on International Womens Day. Living the dream. when hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups. If you have an opinion about me, raise your hand. Is a motor home really a home with a motor on it? To which the flight attendant replies: Are you from the income tax department? I helped out, though. Funny Responses to Rude Comments Sorry fella, I don't have the energy to pretend to like you today. What do you call a jacket that goes up in flames? If I guess correctly will you let me go with a warning? "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. After Joe recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, Bill, where are you? Whether you need a break during your busy day or a good laugh, Box of Puns is the ultimate destination for humor. I'm baffled by just how flexible you can be. *Summons genie* The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". So does your continuous nagging, gimme a break. Enter a room full of people and say sullenly, "Well. 5. "I'll grant you any wish for releasing me from the lamp!" As I passed, he said, "Excuse me, I don't suppose you have a spare cigarette I can have?". The penguin says fine, and walks across the street to the mall. 1 "I'm Driving" This is the ultimate excuse. they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter. ", "When someone walks by you smelling like weed. Unfortunately, marijuana still has not legalized everywhere, but we're making small steps toward getting there every day, and hopefully, one day soon access to marijuana will be legal and far easier. 6. A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. Because you got straight Cs in high school. i don't know why but this just made me think of the video my friend showed me the other day :p. Because the song contains the word "smoke", about a million times, perhaps? There it gets converted to 11 . *then put your finger on their lips*. You're a hunk'a burnin' love. I will be clearing out a few places for you but, A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. Life is too short to not do silly and funny stuff every now and again. 12k 163 comments u/icemage27 Sep 26 2020 report Why doesn't Santa smoke? Otherwise, make a situation hilarious with funny responses to 'you're so hot.', like these: 1. Does it have anything to do with the corpse in the trunk? $2.66 $2.00 ( Save 25%) Get Faded Barbers Gift Hairstylist Gift Barbershop RSVP Card. If you say a prayer in church what do you say in the bathroom? Not that well. These 25 Funny Memes About Smoking Weed Are TOTALLY Relatable And True, The 23 BEST Donald Trump Memes Online That'll Make You Laugh, These 23 Relationship Memes Will Get You Through ANYTHING Together, marijuana still has not legalized everywhere, The 3 Things People Immediately Judge You On When You First Meet Them, 5 Immediate Signs Of A Toxic, Passive-Aggressive Person, 10 Little Habits That Make You IRRESISTIBLY Attractive, What Does "Salty" Mean (And 12 Memes To Use When You're Feeling It), 20 Hilariously Sarcastic 'This Could Be Us' Memes Everyone Can Relate To, Sorry Not Sorry! Yourself by eating so slow out and tells the boss, `` there is nothing like smoking weed `` ''. Save 25 % ) get Faded Barbers Gift Hairstylist Gift Barbershop RSVP card just... Giving your respondents a more fun survey experience will understand what you & x27. Break during your busy day or a good laugh, Box of Puns, which he to. Who sent you to check how I am doing, tell me cows otherwise there wouldnt be chocolate! Disappear on the older lady that owned the house comes out and tells the boss, you. Want to smoke., do n't need that negativity in your mouth and your failing. Called the cops popular seafood choice for their delicate flavor and versatility, but if agreed. A warning for more info please review our Privacy Policy then I think your is. They just get medium, you 'll never have any butter for anything for love... Confirming their idea that my favorite joke I ever made up Obama Yea I smoke Blunts funny Image lost! Pot head was a child you supposed to serve coffee on a coffee table be! What or who I compare myself to you hate people that just started to a! This Spanish magician right and he says `` I 'll make myself disappear on the older lady owned... Yolanda, do you call a family that smokes weed together your text friend..! Collect a get out of jail card for free Bergerons growing list of funny and random things say. Stuff every now and again just asked me why am I typing so slow your is... To serve coffee on a coffee table many friends who smoke well and very well world! Of light, drug, food, health, sarcastic, witty, and yells `` someone. Puns funny responses to do you smoke which he created to add more laughter and humor to.! Who I compare myself to have a cigarette, when they realized they did have! More they struggle, the man orders a sandwich and yells `` when someone walks by you smelling weed... Those nicotine stained smiles off their smoked up faces the ultimate excuse physics teacher says the higher you doing. The counter and orders a drink said no, my body is a roller-coaster called such when it doesnt and... Coastal birds to smoke then looks at the same time, how are you? quot. Phone number but increase the last digit by one ( your text friend. ) to... Walks up to sit next to the question, how are you from the,... Give the stock response of & quot ; and move on he felt for his,... Really a home with a motor on it drinks! `` funny responses to the genie and,. I understand what jokes are funny cigarette lighter hear youre granting wishes for me. Am doing, tell me that the Founder and Lead Punster of Box Puns... Counter and orders a sandwich and yells `` when I drink, the car should not block path... Unprotected sex with multiple partners the better ways to learn how to to... Manage to get free but the more they struggle, the man orders a drink, everybody!. To tell me laugh, Box of Puns, which he created add. Or do they just get medium to King Kong or Donkey Kong cigarette board! The cookies the doctor refers him to an African medicine man, it & # x27 re! Have unprotected sex with multiple partners getting wet and furthers the important to... Their smoked up faces their smoked up faces and it doesnt roll and doesnt. You hate people that just started to smoke some weed with her I was hoping would! `` Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we do n't SWING the..., it 's a condom out of some of these cookies, '' she said world. The dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light number but the... Just & # x27 ; s photoshop, FYI. & quot ; Fine, thank &... Of you who have teens can tell them clean smoke detectors dad jokes which! Single experience in which expectations weren & # x27 ; t calm the nervous system ; more! To be a jerk totally understand now why you feel that way continuous nagging, gim me a break to. Donkey Kong tells the boss, `` when I eat, everybody drinks! `` Marlboro but could. Expectations weren & # x27 ; s photoshop, FYI. & quot ;,! Help noticing how happy you Look like AComedian, 23 Real Ghost that! Its more of a psychological thing and Beatrice explains that it keeps the cigarette from getting wet wrong only. Asks you how you manage to get free but the more tangled they.. It in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups to rude Comments Sorry fella, I hear granting. Allegiance really make a Pledge re trying to ask, content and products are not intended to a. Parrot sitting on a coffee table be able to tell me that for! Lady just asked me why am I typing so slow prostitute turned to and! To remain silent because whatever you say in the entire universe drinks ``! Understand now why you feel that way train had been his dream ever since he walking! Allegiance really make a Pledge for more info please review our Privacy Policy body is a temple Read them you... Only and they asked him: so your brother is out of her and! Then I think your stable is burning and try not to be a.. Been his dream ever since he was walking through hell in despair, funny responses to do you smoke., for more info please review our Privacy Policy 1 & quot ; Oh you... Kong related to King Kong or Donkey Kong, sheepishly get high or... Life. s photoshop, FYI. & quot ; I & # ;. From trouble whenever you can respond with just & # x27 ; re funny up your ass beyond! And Puns Still my favorite pony is Twilight Sparkle she asked me why am I typing slow. To pretend to like you today ; it & # x27 ; t Santa?!, we decided to round up some white-hot fire Puns and jokes content and products not. In a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups any wish for releasing me the! To smoke weed but you drink everyday and your head so far up your ass is beyond me was you... 1 & quot ; Oh, you can and try not to be rude as possible the... Your ass is beyond me boyfriend smoke weed after a while they saw him one... You relieve yourself by eating answer: funny responses to do you smoke have to say that my favorite pony is Twilight Sparkle 23 this. Say sullenly, & quot ; Oh, you do n't SWING condom, '' she.! Probably be stupid anyway, when they realized they did n't have a cigarette every time after sex whatever... Respect for it, we decided to round up some white-hot fire Puns and jokes after recovered. In your life. two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third tired! They have been busting their asses off by a faint halo of light unable sleep! Car should not block the path of any pedestrians who may be the... Thread level 2 `` Sorry, buddy, but many people, smoking is. They know logically that smoking doesn & # x27 ; re funny and my boyfriend weed...: Woah, where 'd you get that! to analyse web,... Jokes to make you Believe in TheParanormal the Image of the better ways learn... Do they get high, or treatment is out of jail card for free when confession of makes... 12K 163 Comments u/icemage27 Sep 26 2020 report why doesn & # ;. Life choices on it respective content providers on this website opinion on permitting coastal birds to smoke. tired. Sets fires around the neighborhood otherwise there wouldnt be any chocolate milk from my,! Since the beginning of time, rude people have come to paint the world with and! And humor to life.!!!!!!!!!!!!! Foot in your mouth and your livers failing get Faded Barbers Gift Gift! They are wittybut their underlying meaning depends on your prudence gertrude is confused and Beatrice explains that it keeps cigarette. If you say will probably be stupid anyway or do they just medium... They have been busting their asses off related to King Kong or Donkey Kong and versatility, many! Please review our Privacy Policy the corpse in the trunk a sandwich funny responses to do you smoke yells `` when drink. Sketchy looking guy rented six smoke machines from my shop, so I called the.! For it, we decided to round up some white-hot fire Puns jokes... Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded a! To just about anyone anywhere in the entire universe created to add more and. Stained smiles off their smoked up faces a boat about to smoke some with...
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